Give me this one last fighting chance
by AlyssaaaMarieee
Summary: Rose hasn't been the same, since her Russian god, took Tasha's offer. Now, she has to get over him, or fall back in love with him? When everythings going wrong, it can only get better. Right?
1. Chapter 1

**Heeey!,**

**So i got a bit a wee bit antsy.**

**and, i felt the neeed, the undying need to start this story.**

**Many people already have done it but, i love the idea and the storyline.**

**Disclamer ; **

**Rose: LET ME SAY IT.**

**Alyssa: No.**

**Rose: WHY?**

**Alyssa: Because, Dimitri's better... OH DIMITRI, say it *flutters lashes***

**Dimitri: *sigh* Alyssa, doesn't own any of the characters, only the plot line.**

**Alyssa: ANDDD...?**

**Dimitri: REALLY? do i have to?**

**Alyssa: SAY IT.**

**Dimitri: And, she wish she owned me.**

**So, without any more wait.**

**CHAPTUHHH ONE.**

PS. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

READANDREVIEW.

3

xoxo, Alyssa.

* * *

It's been _exactly_, A year and a half.

It's been _exactly_, Eighteen months.

It's been _exactly_, five hundred and sixteen, days.

It's been _exactly_, Twelve thousand, three hundred and, ninety five, hours.

It's been _exactly_, Seven hundred forty three thousand, seven hundred, and thirty two, minutes.

It's been _exactly_, Four hundred, forty six million, two hundred forty thousand, and sixty nine, seconds.

Sense, I've had my life, and soul.

Sense, I've felt completely alive sense, I was alive. It's been exactly a year and a half, sense that bastard Russian left me, kidnapping my life and, soul as he simply walked away, more like strolled away. I can remember that day clearly, which isn't always the greatest thing. Sometimes, I wish I couldn't others, I cherished it no matter what happened I still remembered that day, the way he looked then. Still haunts me. On the contrary to what others may have said, your heart still beats after its broken, shattered or, cracked. Though, those beats are all tantalizing, slow and, painful the beating of my heart no longer has rhythm, no longer holds the thumping that it used to. It's hallow, which is worse then broken because, hallow hearts harbor more places for pain to take over. I'd like to say that, I was a 'survivor' that I made it threw and, I was strong because of it. I wasn't. My heart only beats because, beating keeps me remembering. Let's me remember everything about him, even though my mind screamed for my heart to let go. My heart was traitor, I was gifted with the luck of a traitor heart.

Every night I let myself remember, our last treasured conversation, my last memory of my beloved god. It was also the last time, I remembered how it felt like to be alive, because during that conversation I died inside. Even when I was still living on the out, I knew I was no longer fully alive. It was worse then any other experience I had even felt, worse then any Strigoi trying to take my life, worse then dying literally. I was no longer a person, I was just a shell a shell, with a slow painful heart that barley beat. A traitor heart that still kept me alive, no matter what he said that day, exactly five hundred and sixteen days ago. It slowly kept on, for him.

I laid in my bed, thinking back to the last time I stared into those dark brown eyes that no longer held love for me but, held a wall even the, great Rose Hathaway couldn't break threw. The last time, I saw his enticing chin length hair tied into, his famous low ponytail. The last time, I saw his perfect, sculptured body stand before, in his classic duster, perfect. It was the only way to describe him, nothing else ever fit. Nothing else was ever worthy enough to be compared to him. I let myself fall into the memory once more, once more compared to the hundreds of times before at least, this time I wouldn't end up hysterical. Sense, I recently became hallow I, never felt anything anymore, no pain, or remorse, just a whole lot of emptiness going on all over my body. The only thing I felt was slow thump, weak and, defeated thump of my heart. Though this simple memory, I'd lived over and over, didn't hurt me anymore. Not anything compared to the antagonizing beating, if you could even call it that-I wish I could stop so badly going on, inside my body.

_**

* * *

**__**FLASHHHHHBACCCKKKKKKKKKK. - **_

It was early, to early. I'd woken up hours earlier just to make sure I wasn't late, for once. I yanked myself out of bed at a record time of; 5:37. I yawned as I neared the shower, which I was able to squeeze in before I got ready. Maybe getting up early, wasn't that bad. Anyway, you see, ever sense I'd saved him from the deadly Stirgoi infested caves we hadn't really had any time alone and, I defiantly didn't want to waste any of the time with him, I had. Even if it was strictly for training only, at six fifty I was on my way to the gym, showing up three minutes early actually. As I walked in, I already saw him in there, standing with his tall, muscular, sculptured body and, his entrancing eyes staring down on me. Though, they didn't hold the same intensity they used to, they seemed empty? What was that about.

"Comrade, are you alright?" I questioned him, obviously noticing, the worry in my voice and no doubt written all over my face.

"Rose, don't call me that." He stated, staring me down? Was he staring me down, it seemed as if he was. Something was defiantly not right at that moment I figured and, I needed to know what. I took a step close to him, only for him to counter step backward. What had I done? I'd given him EVERYTHING, my innocence even, let alone the fact that I, saved his life two weeks ago. He promised to stand by me, what was going on. It seemed as if he could sense my confusion and finally decided to speak up.

"Roz-Rose." He cleared his throat. "I'm leaving." He said in a monotone, which didn't sound to happy for going on a vacation, which he must be right? Of course, he was.

"Really? On a vacation? How long? Whe-." I asked, only to be cut off by his low voice almost whispering.

"I'm leaving for good, Rose. I'm going to guard Tasha." He said, his voice held nothing. No sorrow, longing, just empty, as empty as his deep, dreamy eyes.

I was at a complete and utter loss, I gave him everything only a mere fourteen days ago. How could he leave after he swore to be there for me. He told me he loved me and, took every last drop of my innocence from me. Why? I could feel my eyes becoming more and more watery as the seconds drew longer. He just stared at me, I saw threw my blurred vision. I wouldn't let this happen, I said pushing back my waterfall before, it started and who knows when it would stop.

"Why?" I spoke, my voice sounded nothing like my own. It sounded foreign and, completely different then anything I was used to. "You said you loved me.." I pushed seeing as he wasn't going to talk, my voice seemed to escalate extremely fast as I nearly screamed out my last words. "You promised me!, you lied to me, WHY give me a reason. Don't you stand there and stare at me, you want to leave me, go ahead. Not before you give me a reason, a reason that will make me stay here and not hate anything that leaves the memory of you!" I screeched. Traitor tears almost slipping out of the socket of my eyes, I wouldn't let him see me cry. 'GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF ROSEMARIE.' I screamed at my mind. 'I am the badass,'

'I break hearts,' 'Not the other way around, and I will not sit here and let myself breakdown, at least not in front of him, not in front of any man.' I yelled to myself almost being interrupted by the evil angel himself.

"I do _not_ love you Rose, I **used** you, from the start. Sure, I felt for you but, it wasn't anything like love. It was lust, I am a man you know. I have needs, and wants. I wanted you, I had you. Now, time to move onto someone I love, someone who can give me what I actually care about. Someone who's name is **Tasha Ozera**, someone who isn't an immature girl. Someone who, can be a mother to my kids." He said, his voice held no kindness, now it held nothing but, fierce spite. It held nothing but loathing. I wished what he said was a lie but, can anyone be that good of a liar? That was something I truly doubted and, I was one of the best liars, I've ever met.

I stood there, trying to understand and comprehend what his, harsh, words ment. I still couldn't see a motive in his actions but, I guess didn't have to, he gave me one. His words repeated in my ear with a loudness of, a jackhammer logged into my brain. 'I do not love you Rose, I used you, from the start…' the emphasis on those words itself made me gasp for air. I felt like the world was crashing in, and I couldn't do anything other then the thing I knew best. Get revenge. Which was, exactly what I did. I quickly took a deep staggered breath, which regretfully held the smell of his aftershave all around it and, simply looked him in his chocolate, endless eyes and, punched him.

Right in his perfect sculpted nose.

I was never one to hold back, my anger.

But, I tried HELL, I tried for him.

Though, he pushed the limit.

He broke me, so I broke him.

An, eye for an eye.

Even though the quiet cracking noise that broke threw the silent gym, would never be the same as the loud shattering of my heart.

As it fell into pieces all over the wooden floor.

It will never be as painful as, when I walked out of the gym, realizing.

I left without, my life and soul.

All, I had left was a shattered, traitor heart.

And, traitor tears.

My body was my own traitor.

* * *

**SOOO?**

**Was it alright?**

**I hope ** **soo.**

**I'm sorry if the grammar wasn't up top notch.**

**Oh well, im not perfect.**

**:)**

**anywhoo;**

**SONG I LISTENED TO :**

**The quiet, by We The Kings.**

**andd,**

**Headlines Read Out, by We the Kings. **

**REVIEW?**

**xoxooxo again,**

**Alyssa.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Haay, (:**

**I don't own anything a'course.**

**Sorry, for the crappy-ish chapter. I just wanted to get it up already ;p!**

**Hmm, I know this chapter is moving kinda quickly but, I just wanted to get the story part out already.(:**

**And, the fact I didn't want to wait any longer for my Russian god to be back ;p!**

**If you get confused or something just leave a review and, I'll explain.**

**Sorry for any misspelled words ect, **

**I tried. (:**

**Without anymore wait :**

**CHAPTER TWO. - Moving on.**

* * *

Sense then, I just stayed in my little room. Away from anyone that could possibly hurt me, the only time I left my safe haven was to go to classes, if you could actually call it that. I never paid attention to what, Old Ass Alto, or anyone else said. I stopped training, stopped talking to anyone and everyone. I blocked Lissa, I didn't need to feel her worry, I didn't need/want to feel anything. I was numb and that's just how I liked it. Sure, many people attempted at conversation with me, even Christian but, I wasn't going to deal with anyone's bullshit. I was done, I was ruined, I just wanted to crawl up in a ball and die.

The one person I have ever loved, ever laid naked next to, ever held my heart, threw it away in a matter of seconds. I wouldn't set foot in that gym, not now not ever. Alberta suggested herself, as my new mentor but, I simple refused. I didn't want to guard Lissa, I wasn't good enough for her. I will never be good enough for anyone, I learned that.

Eventually I lost track of the days, I lost track of the times I'd went to class, because all I did was daydream about what if's. Or let what happened devour me. Everyone was getting worried but, I could no longer make out who was who, they all looked the same. They all had, body's and face's but, they all blended together to create HIM. Everything, I ever thought about had to do with him, I even debated slicing myself up for him but, I couldn't. I'd rather be able to think about him, then end it all and never even imagine his face anymore. Lissa attempted to talk to me, just about everyday. Her angelic voice ment nothing anymore, she ment nothing anymore. Selfish I know but, no one did. I was all alone in a world full of faces that reminded me of the one person I needed to live. How I was surviving, I have no clue. I wouldn't show up to normal eating sessions but, every night I'd wander down to the kitchen and, grab something to eat before I went to sleep. I tried to not eat but, being, Rose 'loving food' Hathaway; It simply wasn't possible. My body began to become out of shape, brittle and, weak just like my heart. After a while, no one dared spar with me, they were all too afraid, they'd break me. I was a twig, a weak depressed, person. I wasn't the Rose I knew but, I didn't care. I just didn't give a damn.

Soon enough graduation came and went, in the blink of an eye but, I didn't care about that anymore. Time did heal me a bit though, the gaping whole that he left was somewhat smaller, somewhat better. I started talking again after about five or six months, not much though but, everyone saw it as a start. After graduation Lissa invited me to live with her and, her guardian, Eddie. Along with Christian of course. Adrian visited once in a while, though I could tell he stayed away because he hated to see me life this. They all did, so from now on, I'm going to become the Rose Hathaway I was before, no more crying over a man that wasn't worth it.

Today was a new day, for a new Rose. That morning, well night I got myself out of bed just in time to hear chatting going on down stairs. I got dressed in something I haven't worn in a while, suitable clothes. I did my hair, and by that I mean brushed it threw and put it in a ponytail, nonetheless I looked better then I have in over two years. As I walked downstairs I heard a few gasps, from my friends at the way I look.

"Close your mouth Pyro, before Lissa get's jealous." I stated as I gracefully walked over the kitchen table and, plopped myself down. Christian slowly closed his mouth after my remark and, gave me a smirk which I chuckled at. Lissa stood there staring at me wide-eyed.

"I know you all must want an explanation, and here it is: I got sick of moping around. I mean look at me." I pointed to myself, my appearance was completely changed. My brown hair was still luscious as ever but, in my eyes you could see shadows and sorrow, my eyes had brown bags under them and, I was unusually pail for staying in my room all the time, my body was as twig like Lissa's. I was fragile, weak, and looked deathly ill. I'm pretty sure people, wouldn't recognize me anymore, I wouldn't be surprised if people even thought I was a _Moroi. _

"That's great Rose, we've all missed you." Lissa said, pulling me into a hug, which I gladly returned. I was happy to be back, I was extremely glad to at least attempt to be Rose again.

"And, Rose.." Lissa started, "I have some great news." She said as I picked up the plate of bacon Christian made for me off of the counter.

"That is?" I asked with a small smile on my lips, good news, that's good for a change.

"Seeing as Christmas is nearing, and I know how much you must miss him. Tasha and, Dimitri are coming for Christmas!" She squealed waiting for me to join her.

I just looked her in the eyes then heard, a crash. As, I looked down where the crash had came from I realized it came from me, I dropped the plate. Scattered all over the floor were shards of the blue glass that used to be a plate that held my breakfast but, ruined Bacon was the least of my worries.

'So much for being your old self.' I thought as I dashed out the front door before anyone could stop me, running where I don't know, hell I don't care. I had larger thoughts going around in my head like for instance the small fact that, he was coming back.

WITH HER.

* * *

**LOVE IT?**

**HATE IT?**

**tell me in a review.**

**again sorry for spelling error's (: ;p.**

**and, **

**Songs I listened to while writing it were :**

**-Random songs from these bands, **

**Drop Dead Gorgeous, **

**Black Veil Brides. **

**ahah, REVIEW.**

**xoxoxo, Alysssa.**


	3. Chapter 3

**SO, the reviews came pouring in yesterday.**

**:O**

**SO, i decided to update again. (:**

**this chapter , isn't fantastic, but it shows Rose get some of her mojo back!**

**ahah, Usual disclaimers.**

**Sorry for error's oh well.**

* * *

I ran as far and as fast as my legs could take me. I didn't focus on the cold wind nipping at my face, nor did I care about the snow that began to seep threw my long sleeve purple shirt, and black skinny jeans. I just kept concentrating on the music playing on my Ipod that, I luckily kept in my pocket at all times. The sound of my sneakers hitting the pavement in long strides and, the act of breathing. I had my Ipod on shuffle and, landed on the best song it possibly could, I ran to the beat and, began to sing a long.

_Guilty and I'm broken down inside_  
_Livin' with myself_  
_Nothing but lies_

I began to grow weak from my untrained body running but, I pushed myself as harder. My breathing became haggard and labored, but I just sang out louder to no one and, anyone listening.

_I always thought I'd make it_  
_But never knew I'd let it get so bad_  
_Livin' with myself_  
_Is all I have_

_I feel numb_  
_I can't come to life_  
_I feel like I'm frozen in time_

_Livin' in a world so cold_  
_Wasting away_  
_Livin' in a shell with no soul_  
_Since you've gone away_  
_Livin' in a world so cold_  
_Counting the days_  
_Since you've gone away_  
_You've gone away_

At this point I had to stop, my weak body wasn't going able to last any longer, I skidded to a hault and fell to my knees sinking into the snow that covered the ground. Everything was shaking, tears ran cold races down my frostbite cheeks.

_Do you ever feel me_  
_Do you ever look deep down inside_  
_Starin' at yourself_  
_Paralyzed_

_I feel numb_  
_I can't come to life_  
_I feel like I'm frozen in time._

_Livin' in a world so cold_  
_Wasting away_  
_Livin' in a shell with no soul_  
_Since you've gone away_  
_Livin' in a world so cold_  
_Counting the days_  
_Since you've gone away_  
_You've gone away from me_

_I'm too young to lose my soul_  
_I'm too young to feel this old_  
_For so long I'm left behind_  
_I feel like I'm losing my mind_

_Do you ever feel me_  
_Do you ever look deep down inside_  
_Starin' at your life_  
_Paralyzed_

As, the last verse came around I screamed the words as they were forever stuck in my mind, over and over. I grabbed a hold of the ground and, stared into the sky, as if Dimi-he could actually here me as, my voice roared with the lyrics.

_Livin' in a world so cold_  
_Wasting away_  
_Livin' in a shell with no soul_  
_Since you've gone away_  
_Livin' in a world so cold_  
_Counting the days_  
_Since you've gone away_  
_You've gone away from me_

_I'm too young_  
_I'm too young_

After that, I stayed there and cried, cried all the tear's I thought I was to numb to feel, became so close to feeling the pain again. The pain, I wanted to hold back, wanted to get over the pain that was currently rising up my throat. I shot up and ran behind the nearest bush, and let everything, which wasn't much drain from my body as I heaved.

I sank to the ground, as soon as I god back to were I was and, another song played as if they were singing to me.

His husky voice sang out, as if he could actually understand what, I was feeling. Everything he was saying rang true.

**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

**You're sick of feeling numb**  
**You're not the only one**  
**I'll take you by the hand**  
**And I'll show you a world that you can understand**  
**This life is filled with hurt**  
**When happiness doesn't work**  
**Trust me and take my hand**  
**When the lights go out you will understand**

**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**  
**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**

**Anger and agony**  
**Are better than misery**  
**Trust me I've got a plan**  
**When the lights go off you will understand**

**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**  
**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing**  
**Rather feel pain**

**I know (I know I know I know I know)**  
**That you're wounded**  
**You know (You know you know you know you know)**  
**That I'm here to save you**  
**You know (You know you know you know you know)**  
**I'm always here for you**  
**I know (I know I know I know I know)**  
**That you'll thank me later**

**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**  
**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**  
**Pain, without love**  
**Pain, I can't get enough**  
**Pain, I like it rough**  
**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**  
**Rather feel pain than nothing at all**  
**Rather feel pain **

As, the song reared the end, I repeated the chorus over and over. I was going to live by this, I'd rather feel pain then not feel anything. From now on I'd pretend to like it rough. I wasn't going to be a shell, even if it ment I'd go on living without happiness. It'd rather live in anger then, live with no emotion.

I slowly rose from the cold ground seat, I was sitting in and, made my way back to the house. I'd only ran two miles, which wasn't very far but, that was because I was to weak to go any longer. Let alone the fact that I had to jog to even go that far, and I ended up puking anyway. As I neared the house, I started to realize how cold I really got. I wish shivering from my head to my toes and, wouldn't be surprised if my lips where blue. The places where my tears used to be were now completely frozen, as if to mock me. My hair was matted and, stuck to various places to my face. When I walked in I noticed something was different. A different smell in the air, I couldn't quite put my numb finger on it. At, least not until I heard it.

"Roza?" He asked, from behind me.

TODAY? They were fucking coming today? And, she didn't feel as if it was any consolation to tell me? I wasn't really, sure who Lissa was anymore. She used to understand me, hell I used to understand me.

"Roza." He repeated, as if I hadn't heard him, I wish I hadn't.

I slowly turned to meet his chocolate brown eyes, his angular face, his muscular body. Everything that, I oh so dearly wanted to forget. As I met his eyes, his face dropped.

Did I really look that bad? Or was he just happy to see me.

His face registered agony and, pain. Good.

I turned back the way I was facing but, before I got fully up the steps I looked back at him and, said.

"You're getting old Guardian Belikov."

Sure, he wasn't. He looked better then before but, I didn't want his man pride to be intact when, mine wasn't. So I took a different road, insulting. After I said that his, brows furrowed and, he didn't hide the hurt in his eyes, nor the guilt and, pain must I add.

He felt, bad. But, this wasn't over. I wasn't going to be weak.

I decided just as a new song clicked into my Ipod.

We still live in the same town, well, don't we?  
But I don't see you around anymore.  
I go to all the same places, not even a trace of you..  
Your days are numbered at 24.  
And I'm getting bored waiting round for you,  
We're not getting any younger, and I  
Won't look back 'cause there's no use  
It's time to move forward!

I feel no sympathy,  
You lived inside a cave!  
You barely get by the rest of us,  
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,  
I've got no time for feeling sorry!

I tried not to think of what might happen,  
When your reality, finally, cuts through.  
Well, as for me, I got out and I'm on the road.  
The worst part it that this (THIS!), this could be you.  
You know it too, you can't run from your shame!  
You're not getting any younger, time,  
Is passing by, but you waited awake..  
It's time to roll over!

I feel no sympathy,  
You lived inside a cave!  
You barely get by the rest of us,  
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,  
I've got no time for feeling sorry!

And all the best lies,  
They are told with fingers tied!  
So cross them tight,  
Won't you promise me tonight  
If it's the last thing you do, you'll get out..

I feel no sympathy,  
You lived inside a cave.  
You barely get by the rest of us,  
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,  
I've got no time, I've got no time!

I feel no sympathy,  
You lived inside a cave!  
You barely get by the rest of us,  
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,  
Got no time!

I've got no time for feeling sorry!  
I've got no time for feeling sorry!

'I've got no time for feeling, sorry.' I sang in my head.

I hope he felt the same, because he was going to get some over-do, payback.

Rose Hathaway style.

Let the games, begin.

* * *

**So, was it alright? I had trouble finding perfect songs but, this was the best I could do.**

**Songs I listened to : **

**Random songs from these bands.**

**-Paramore **

**and,**

**-3 Days Grace (:**

**So, i'm thinking people are going to die in my story.**

**Leave a review telling me who you think it should be. **

**REVIEW. (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**So, I feel like a maaajor shitface, I appologize exteremly, for not updating soon enough. Soooo, I decided, I'm going to next write a special Dimitri POV, so you can understand what's going on that sexy russian head of his ;)**

**Until then, Chapter Fooour,**

**I know, It's short. and, crappy but, Rose needs to get her shit together, and this chapter let's her.**

**Usual, disclaimers: I don't own VA, nor Dimitri ;(**

**3**

* * *

I spent the rest of the night, plotting, planning, let alone actually looking at myself. I looked horrible, I think it was the actually the first time, in two years, I actually got a look at myself, completely. My brown hair was in tangles, messed up and, flung everywhere. My big exotic brown eyes, held permanent sadness, and sang out broken melody's, they were puffy, and swollen. My body, looked pale, compared to my normal tan exterior, it seemed foreign. My, body had a twig like form, frail and, dead. _Dead?-_Yes, I looked dead, a stranger, a dead stranger staring at me from my mirror. No wonder, people were giving me odd looks, my friends must have been worried sick.

I quickly grabbed my cell phone, and dialed the number to Lissa's hairdresser, and scheduled a 7:00 appointment for tomorrow morning. As, I hopped into my giant bed, sleep came slowly, painfully, and it gave my mind to much time to think about things that, didn't matter. Time, to think about people, people, who used to be my everything, who used to say my name, in the dearest tone. Who now, says it holding nothing but, hollow emotions.

Dreaming used to be one of my favorite things to do, I could control it, unlike many things going on in my life. I've loved it ever sense I can remember, I used to dream of destroying evil creatures of the night, to marring my currently crush, everything was easier in dreams. Until, Adrian became dream stalking me, he made the most peaceful time, I ever had, literally a nightmare but, sense he hasn't been visiting me, my dreams decided to take control of me. Every night, the same thing, a different place, or maybe a different time but, the same thing as always the same, goodbye the, same hello. Everything, was a never ending dream of memories, I wanted to flock far, far away from. This dream was no different.

**We**, were in the gym, were all my feelings grew, blossomed, and died. Where I died, and there he was acting like it never happened, teaching me moves, not telling me he didn't love me. Sure, the dream might have been perfect, to others but, to me, it was haunting, taunting and, horrible. I'd rather dream of an axe murderer, then dream of him touching me, teaching me, talking to me. Sure, every night, I'd go along with the dream if, it be just training like today, or making love again. That's the thing though, it was a dream, sure it filled me up for a while, while sleeping but, when I wake up, I am still hollow, even more so sometimes. This morning again, was no different. I woke up feeling hallow, broken, tormented. I slowly rose from my bed, and took a shower letting the water wake me from my state of emptiness. As, I got dressed I decided today, I'd wear make-up, make myself at least, somewhat presentable. I took one last look at my somewhat less stranger self, and headed off to my car to get a haircut, and maybe somewhat papered. As, I reached the front door, I heard someone behind me and, I turned around to find no one other then. The infamous, _Dimitri Belikov_.

"It's early, are you alright?" He asked, concern lacing his words. Pathetic.

"I'm perfect, just going somewhere." I said, in a monotone.

"I'll come." He said, snatching my keys out of my pocket.

Quickly, I grabbed my keys and, tried, to raise my eye brow, and I do mean tried, because I failed miserably.

"No, who will guard them?" I countered, frustrated and, annoyed.

"The gates, plus they are all up, and I was told to go with you, by Lissa." He said, as if he didn't want to, he was forced to.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, and opened the door, about to get into the drivers seat, when something warm and, familiar caught my arm.

Dimitri's** hands.**

"I'll drive." He offered. HA, who did he think he was?

"I don't think so, big boy," I said, getting into the drivers seat, forcing him to ride shotgun.

What?, He wanted to come, plus no one drives my baby but, me.

So, here I am, stuck in a tizzy. I'm on my way to getting pampered to get my mind of him, and HE decides to join my escapade, which was for MYSELF.

'Well, think of it this way Rose.' The little voice in my head said, the voice, being named George.

'We can start making him suffer, sooner then planned.'

I chuckled to myself, and my ideas as I started the engine, and pulled out of our gravel driveway.

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**Was, it alright?**

**I've been kinda struggling with motivation lately, plus testing, and what not.**

**Leave me, love? **

**Review.**

**Songs, listened to.**

**-FOB, random ones ;p**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, like I promised, here is a special Dimitri POV. (:**

**Review? **

**ps, sorry for mistakes, deal with it ;p**

**andandand, to clear one thing up, two years has passed, more time passed after the first chapter leaving it present day, two years after he left. ;)**

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Leaving her, may have been the biggest, stupidest mistake I have ever made. Seeing her, with tears in her eyes, was probably the worst experience I ever went threw. I lied to her, I left her, I hurt her. Leaving, my hurt, broken, alone, and longing. Every night is the same dreams, of her brown locks, and her dangerous curves. Driving back to see her, with my new girlfriend, I don't know if I'll be able to survive this, I heard multiple times, that she isn't herself. I've been begged to return, to be once again the man, she wanted me to be but, I don't think she could ever forgive me for what I've done.

There was no turning back, no rewind, I was visiting my, ex lover, the one who has my heart, with my pregnant, fiancé, but little does she know about that. I'd try over, and over to forget her, her voice still caresses my thoughts, her plea, her scream, her touch. I left the gym that day, with more then a broken nose, I left it without my soul. Maybe, she'd run into my arms, not like I could take her back in mine. I was to get married, that was the main reason of our trip to begin with, to announce my marriage to, Natasha Ozera

- It should've been Rose Hathaway, my stupid little mind added on.

I was always a level headed man, never one to regret decisions, one to open up his heart, nor one to break one - on purpose. But, with her? Everything changed, she changed me, she made me irrational, irresponsible, things I didn't want in myself, she was turning my into an immature child. I didn't need that, I needed a companion who, wasn't half the time, a child, who's life wasn't still hanging in the balance, one who was good for me. I guess, I didn't think of the small fact, that Roza, was good for me, she may have been a bad influence but, she was like a drug. I needed her, in the same way, I guess Tasha worked as my rehab, helped me get away from the drug but, it doesn't mean I stopped wanting it.

Which, is another thing I would've never done before the infamous Rose Hathaway burdened me, with her gorgeous features and, tough shit attitude, I would never use someone. Though here I am, using my pregnant fiancé, as a decoy to run away from my teenage, soul mate. Even though, I'd use the term 'run away from' lightly, seeing as, that day she ran away, and the tiny fact that, me, and Tasha are driving to her house right now. Right into the enemy lines, the head of the storm.

Thinking about Roza, made me confused on how I can even drive there, my mind was soaring at 110 miles per hour, her face at every turn, her voice at every stop it was, intoxicating. Exactly, what I hoped to get away from.

I felt someone's soft hands close around mine, and I turned my vision to my fiancé. You may be asking yourself 'how did this happen' I used to, too but, the thing is, when you're having unprotected sex, with an old friend, and they end up pregnant, marriage seemed like the best option. Let alone, an easy way to get completely away from Roza. Tasha's ice-blue eyes stared at me, intently, questioningly, seeming to ask 'what's wrong'.

"Nothing." I simply reply squeezing her hand, hoping it was enough prove for her to let it go.

It was, as she squeezed my hand back, and let out a sigh, I did right after, I sigh I didn't even know I had in me. Though, my sigh was different, a tortured sigh, a sad, longing, lonely, one. One, Tasha took for a happy one, she was easy to fool, unlike my Roza, she would see threw my façade.

As we drove on, my mind seemed to blur, nothing was completely, there, nor not. I was kind of in my own little imagination as, I drove us to their house. As, we pulled into the gravel driveway, I looked at the dark brown house, more like mansion, the thing was huge. When I got out, I grabbed our bags as Tasha went to the front door to great, them. As, I made my way, up I looked for Rose, she was no where in sight.

"Where's Rose?" Tasha's voice mimicked my thoughts.

"She went for a run, about twenty minutes ago, she didn't know you were coming today." Lissa's soft voice, caressed Rose's name, sweetly, making it sound as elegant as it is.

The hours passed by, and still no word from Roza, no one really seemed to notice except me, I was anticipating it, hoping for it, yet dreading it. I never had so many emotions run threw my tall, muscular body at once, until now. As, it turned to be about two hours after she finally left, people seemed to notice, Lissa started to panic but, I simply offered to go find her. Only to find myself in an argument with Castle, about how he should go instead, I won.

As, I was about to walk out the door, I heard it open, and Rose walked in? Was it Rose? I couldn't tell, she looked so different, so broken, so frail. So skinny, her curves were gone, her luscious hair was tattered, her tan exterior was now pale, and covered with dry tears. I couldn't do anything but, stare and question her presence. "Roza?" I asked my voice coming out a whisper, instead of the manly voice I wanted it to be. I earned no response except leaving her frozen in place, so I decided to speak again. "Roza." She slowly turned so her tattered body fully faced me, her broken brown eyes boring into mine. My face mustn't of hid my horrible feelings as, her face changed into something like, humor. Her eyes fell to the floor right after the contact though, and resumed walking up the wooden stairs but, not before she turned around and, said "You're getting old Guardian Belikov." At that, my jaw dropped, did I look bad? Or, was it just her hurt talking either-or it still took a blow to my already small ego. The rest of the night she refused to come out of her room, leaving Tasha and, I to decide to tell our news tomorrow, night. Soon after barely eating the nice dinner, Christian made, I excused myself into our room, and tried to sleep. Sleep, never came.

Early the next morning I heard a racket, going into guardian mode I climbed out of bed to find Rose rummaging threw her purse, and about to open the door.

"It's early, are you alright?" I asked, concern failed to be taken out of my voice as I spoke.

"I'm perfect, just going somewhere." She said, in somewhat of a monotone, as she fiddled with her keys - which, I gracefully snatched out of her grasp.

"I'll come." I said, looking into her brown eyes.

Anger twisted into her features, as she attempted to raise an eyebrow, while snatching her keys once again. "No, who will guard them?" she asked as she jerked her head toward the stairs but, she, and I both knew it was a lost argument seeing as, we had two defensive magic users on the premises, wards nonetheless, a guardian but, I chose to just state on of the many options.

"The gates, plus they are all up, and I was told to go with you, by Lissa." I lied, on the last part but, I lied smoothly. Her face turned once again, into a mask, I won.

"Whatever". She rolled eyes entrancing brown eyes as, she attempted to get into the drivers seat but, not before I caught her arm in my grasp. Obviously feeling the jolt to, she looked at me threw her eyelashes showing hurt.

"I'll drive." I stated, wanting to let her just relax, and least somewhat. She looked as if her angelic, broken features almost was about to smile at, my remark but, she hid it well.

"I don't think so, big boy," she said while hopping into her JEEP drivers seat forcing me to go around to the shotgun.

This was going to be a long ride but, a ride where I tell her everything..maybe.

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**(:**

**Songs:**

**Rofl, things by Ke$ha,**


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